A lot of my clients are dealing with men who blow hot and cold, who give conflicting messages, who throw the bones every now and then just enough to keep them at bay but the relationship doesn’t really progress or go anywhere.
It is very heartbreaking dealing with an emotionally unavailable man. You never know where you stand or how he truly feels about you. If he’s really emotionally unavailable or is just not that into you.
Whatever the reason it’s not advisable to take these men seriously. The problem is the relationship is often too good to leave but too bad to stay in. You are stuck. Either way you feel the pain. If you are a woman expecting to marry and start a family soon before your reproductive years cease, this can be very damaging.
You are desperate. You are confused. You are exhausted and resentful.
Emotional unavailability is real. Many men at some point or another, sometimes for no particular reason, are going through this stage. When they are in this mode, there is really little you can do to change their mind set. Words definitely won’t do it. They have to process their own feelings until they come out of that state by themselves.
As a woman, it’s important to detect this early enough before you get too attached to think straight and do the right thing. Unfortunately, for most women in their 30’s and 40’s who are still single or have just come out of a divorce or a long-term relationship, coming across this species and dating them -and often falling in love with them- is inevitable. There are so many of these men out there.
Often they will tell you right out of the bat that they are not looking for anything serious but they show intense liking toward you and because they’re such charmers these women are falling for them after a while.
Some of them will pursue you hard but then pull away as soon as the conquest is completed.
Some will even offer exclusivity or agree to it in a heartbeat but it’s obvious his heart isn’t in it. He will still sneak dating or talking to other women and even contacting women on dating sites.
Some of them are just happy being in relationship that is otherwise stable apart from the speed to full blown commitment -whatever that means to the women concerned- is never fast enough.
Whatever the form is, it is no fun being strung along.
Many women, though, think by avoiding these men altogether will help protecting their heart from hurt which is true for the most part apart from dating will be very dull and challenging if you discount these men completely. These men are fun, they can make your day and bring smiles to your face. They make a great company. But then again women always want more even when they have been told again and again that relationship isn’t on the table.
What is a woman to do? I give an alternative that actually will actually improve the quality of your dating life and prepare you for the right man: i.e by using these men as your “lab rats” with whom you practice your feminine magnetism and relationship skills with men.
Can you really get hold of your emotions and not get addicted on these men? You might still get addicted if he’s that great, but then again you have no commitment toward him the same way he has no commitment toward you. So yeah, have a few of them at the same time! That way you are not unwittingly hooked on any particular one. Hopefully you have a few of whom you like equally, who also adore you.
You will learn so much from these men.