Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of human life is dealing with a breakup. This is the time when the mind can drive you absolutely “bananas” with all of the old memories coming up, thoughts about her being with a new guy, squirming in bed late at night with the guilt from past mistakes, and trying to figure out exactly what went wrong.
Then we begin the arduous task of comparing each memory and classifying them in terms of “this one was MY mistake” versus “this was definitely HER fault” and, of course, every so often those two categories tend to reverse themselves, where you go, “Wait! I think that one was actually MY issue, not hers… no, wait, actually we both screwed that one up…” and every so often the mind makes everything out to be “all MY fault”…
…Next comes insecurities about your own attractiveness, social value, ability to Love, and you can’t help but wonder, “What does her new guy have that I don’t have?”…Of course, then the mind can distort your self-image to make you appear really unlovable, despicable, and evil. Shameful, really. The mistakes you made can become so blown out of proportion that you look like Hitler. And she seems like a goddess who can do no wrong. Then, it flips back the other way around again, where she appears evil and you seem like the victim.
What’s going on with the mind?
“Victim/Perpetrator Consciousness” is inherent to the structure of the ego/mind, which sees everything in terms of dualistic ‘black or white’. Secretly, it wants to be seen as ‘right’ about everything so that it can ‘win’ arguments, obtain approval, and ‘feel good’ again.
The whole thing can be very confusing, and the mind is like a walking, talking contradiction and a true hypocrite by design. It is unreliable; something more is needed to discover the truth. Having arisen from the animal kingdom over great expanses of time, the ego is basically a dinosaur with an intellect.
Dino’s had it easy. They had no conscience to deal with! They did not exactly grieve the loss of personal love. They could just go out and kill all day, come home, and not worry about it. Life must have been pretty good.
Breakups and related pain, confusion, agony and suffering are due to not knowing the truth. Whenever we don’t know the truth, we feel pain, and whenever we discover the truth, we discover healing. Truth is like a medicine. Forgive your mind for this agony and grief. It is just doing that it is ‘supposed’ to be doing. It’s just an animal; don’t count on it for solving all of your problems, and do not look to it for assistance with Love. For Love, you must go beyond it.
To overcome breakup suffering one must realize that in truth, love can never be lost in the same way gravity can never be lost. But, it takes training and dedication to discover the true Source of Love and Happiness that is within us and all around us at every moment without exception.
Trying to solve a Love problem on the level of the intellect won’t get us far. Love is one thing, and the intellect is quite another. The mind is great for helping you to solve math and computer problems, but when it comes to women and relationships you will never succeed so long as you look to the mind for answers. That is a spiritual fact. The intellect operates out of the presumption of ’cause’ and ‘effect’, but Love is a causal; it has no cause. Love simply is. Love simply exists. Continually. The mind simply has to be taught where to look.
When the Source of Love is discovered within, there is no pain that it cannot heal; there are no worldly hassles that it cannot take off your hands for you. Godspeed on your inner pathway.