As we get on in life, people who are a part of our inner circle they turn into serious foes. Some ‘friends’ who are certainly not the real deal end up tearing us to shreds. Before we are prepared to handle their negativity, the gossip and nastiness hit us bang on the face – this can get tough to get over. Dealing with this brand of people is a mystery. Here are my two bits to help you get by without letting negative forces rule your path and destroy your inner peace.
Identify the Suspects Causing Disharmony
This may be a catch 22 problem. Having an inkling but no proof can throw you off your game. You may feel small, wondering why you are the target. Instead of dissing the problem, or wallowing in the gloom, it is necessary to figure out the rogue element. You can confront the person head on – which is the best method. In all likelihood, the person/s will get defensive and the problem may erupt in another direction. Nevertheless, stay the course. Once you have identified the individual/s, keep her/him out of your circle. Another very simple way is to maintain civility that will irk the person/s. The last option may sound cruel, especially when you are hurting But once you are able to ascertain as to who created the mess, plan your next move.
Chorus of Voices
Most nasty people master the art of pushing your buttons and you end up walking into their trap. A person or chorus of voices who are the cause of dissent have their agenda. The idea is to retain false glory for fifteen minutes of fame. Here is where deft and alacrity comes into play – do not adopt the same tone and respond with venomous vitriol. Opposing points of view are welcome. Having a healthy dialogue is the mature way forward. But in all possibility, negative voices will never accept this, as they want dissent. When and if the dialogue gets too nasty, the vile language on the cards, deal with the chaos delicately but firmly. People will either stick around or leave, that is a choice. You have to decide who meets the cut for you personally and who you need to eliminate from your inner circle.
Too much thinking never did anyone any good. But getting to know the reasons behind the anger, negativity, and nastiness can help you analyze the situation without letting subjective imagery come into play. Analytical thinking helps formulate a strategy as you move on to the next step. Seek help from trustworthy people for a brainstorming session, perhaps a family member, or someone objective to plan your next move. Chances of working at a compromise may not work if the opposite side is stuck with animosity and bad blood. Once you have looked at the situation without blinkers, surround yourself with positivity and rid your mind of negativity. This helps in the analytical process.
Being at the receiving end of bitter voices, trolls, nasty messages, gossip and what have you, will most certainly cause you to be on your guard where trust becomes an issue. This is natural. Everyone feels this way. After a huge backlash, trusting someone causes even the strongest person to feel miserable and sink into depression. Trust yourself and never let misery keep you company. At some point in time, you have to break down your barriers. Be vigilant and careful. In life, we have our ups and downs. You need to stay the course, stand tall and work on your trust issues. It is prudent to keep in mind that not everyone is out for blood. Some will stand by you. There may not be many. But over time, with your dedication and goodness, the haters will change their minds.
Forgiveness and Love
The Bible teaches us to forgive one another. It does get difficult though when there are forces of evil trying to bring you down. How do you forgive people who have laid traps and smeared your name? One can be paralyzed with fear, shock, confusion, bitterness. Being able to live your best life can be difficult. But you have to try, giving up is not the solution. When you are ready to forgive someone, you actually become the bigger person. This is a constant refrain, but when you completely and unconditionally forgive, without malice, you are free. The other person/s ultimately will be stunned and will try to claw her/his way back into your good graces. Forgiveness also means that you do not harbor a grudge. But you should never let your guard down. Love is the way forward. Love yourself and do not let unkind barbs destroy the life God has destined for you.
Chaos comes at us when we least expect it, and when it does we are left to pick up the debris. The problem is that negativity has (kind of) become the new positive. When you deal with an issue in a mature manner, it improves your personal happiness and nothing and no one will be able to burst your bubble.
I have been fighting negativity for decades now. Of course, people in the public eye face a great deal more. To keep going, surround yourself with people who love and respect you and with God on your side, nothing will and should deter you from the life that you need to live.
Haters gonna hate anyway. You stay the course of love and do not fall into the trap of negativity.
These are a few steps to maintain tranquility amidst chaos and hatred.