The Start Of The Affair: Four Stages
When you’re starting a relationship with a committed man, it may seem that you’re the only person in the world to feel the way you do. Sorry, but that’s just not true. In fact, relationship experts will tell you that all affairs follow a classic pattern. That’s right. From the time you first set eyes on each other you are doomed to be lured in and will remain in that relationship until good sense or a broken heart pull you out. The only way to avoid this is to recognize the pattern as it occurs.
Step One: Bonding
It doesn’t matter where you meet your otherwise committed man. It might be at the office, at a conference or at a neighborhood bash. Whatever the location, this is the point at which you start to talk and to bond. You may be chatting about shared interests, about children, about marital problems. You might even be chatting to your committed other in an Internet chat room. Chances are you won’t even know at this stage that he’s committed to someone else. What you talk about doesn’t matter as much as the feeling that the two of you share a special relationship. As you get to know each other, emotional sparks start to fly.
Step Two: Secrecy
OK, you can bond with many people, but that doesn’t mean that you’re going to start a relationship. However, the sign that things are going too far is when you stop telling other people about your bond with this person. By now you might have found out that he’s committed, but since you’re just friends, there’s no reason to worry anyone with the details. The secrecy increases your bond as you feel that the two are you are involved in a unique and special relationship. You’re starting to fall in love. So you don’t tell your friends (unless you’re sure they won’t disapprove) that you are attracted to a married man. After all, you don’t want the cold water of reality to quench the flames of passion, do you?
Step Three: Dating
Once you pass the secrecy stage, you want to extend your relationship. This is where you find excuses to get together. It could be coffee, lunch or something more. Maybe you go to see a movie, just as friends, of course. After all, there’s nothing really going on – or is there? This person is a colleague or friend, nothing more, despite the attraction you feel for each other. And he will manufacture excuses to get close to you to keep the relationship smoldering.
Step Four: Intimacy
This is where you take the final step that moves your relationship from a friendship to something more. This could be the start of a roller coaster. Let’s face it, the sex is great and the thrill of secrecy is greater, so why stop now? And at the back of your mind, you’re probably thinking that if what he’s told you is true, he will soon be committed to you.
Sorry, but that just isn’t likely to happen. In most cases men go back to their wives or girlfriends once the thrill is over and you are left with a broken heart. Of course, you could be lucky and be one of the 10 per cent of other women whose committed partner ends up sharing a home with her.